You need to set a goal. Here's why.

If you are  alienated from your child, you need to intentionally set a specific, long-term goal.

Mine was simply "have a relationship with my kids someday." It became my mental mantra, the measure that I made all decisions from. When faced with any type of choice, I asked myself whether it would bring me closer to reconnecting with my daughters, or could it possibly push that possibility further away at all.

Performing well at your job, exercising and eating right, being careful with your funds -- all of these choices help you remain stable and enhance the possibility of seeing your child one day. Venting carelessly about your ex, escaping with alcohol or drugs, slacking off at work -- all of these things potentially stand in the way of making progress with your son or daughter, directly or indirectly.

Overcoming parental alienation relies on having a strategy that can withstand however long it takes for your child to realize that they may have been mislead into shunning you. Even after their "light bulb" moment, rebuilding your connection may take time. There is no quick fix.

Why is having a goal so important?

When dealing with alienation, the chances are high that you are separating from a dysfunctional relationship that may involve some form of abuse, mental health issues, or substance issues. You are likely exhausted from chasing constant chaos and conflicts, which are unnerving and deplete your resources. You need a plan that can withstand external inconsistencies.

Let's take a look at what makes the tactics of manipulative or abusive people so effective for a moment. Abusers tend to relentlessly pursue a single goal with vigor and tenacity. Sure, they also ignore rules, let everything else fall apart, burn bridges, and lack compassion, but their focus and fortitude is indeed impressive. And, they are creative, charming, and convincing.

While I don't recommend a negative approach (breaking rules, lying, being spiteful), locking in on your goal will help pull you through. It will lend you conviction and commitment when progress seems impossible. It will push you to go to the soccer game, even though your child may ignore you. When you seemingly run out of options, it will remind you to brainstorm  out-of-the-box solutions.

Write your goal down. Use it as a background image on your phone. Write it on a slip of paper that you carry in your wallet. Anything that will remind you daily of your top priority.

Share your goal with us in the comments!